The more I tried to control my life and chase the end results I wanted, the further I moved away from true contentment.

Let go and let God can sound so cliche, but this day it was revelation to my soul. I couldn’t control my own life and experience true contentment. God was in control, but I had to fully embrace that truth and make a choice to live it out to experience the rest He offers in that place.

This moment began a journey of letting go of control and fully trusting that my obedience would be the only pathway to fulfilled purpose. It began a journey that moved me from chasing my purpose and dreams into believing that my yes to Him was enough for everything.

If you find yourself here, loving God, but questioning His will for your life or the ways He’s using, remember where you’ve come from, how He’s brought you to where you are now, and the perfect love that guides His purposes for your life.

Learn to love His will.

Pain can become one of our greatest escorts into the presence of God. God doesn’t cause it, but it’s undeniably one of His greatest resources to draw the weary, broken soul into a place of divine communion, rest, and heavenly formation.

Are you creating good goals or God goals?

I’ve literally never asked myself this question, so it stopped me mid-thought.

Was I making plans and creating goals based on what I thought was good or what I knew was God? Was I creating a vision shaped by my own desires or letting God shape them for me?

Good goals will only produce a good outcome, but God will always produce a God outcome.

It’s my unrealistic expectations that often leave me drained at the end of the day, sitting on the couch questioning my emotional health and future success.

I want to rebound from having a baby like Michael Jordan returning to the NBA.

I want to be as fit as Jillian Michaels——now.

I want to wake up before dawn [right after a 30 minute feed before my other kids wake up] to spend time with Jesus.

I want the Magnolia home and decor of Joanna Gaines.

Since when did motherhood become a place of glorified death? Since when did it become a place of recognizing what we’re losing, magnifying what we’re giving up, and trumpeting the daily challenges of raising our kids on social media?

I won’t deny there is a place of death that comes when we step into motherhood. We die to our own personal desires. We lose sleep, personal space, free time, body image, and much more.

I’d bought into the “instasham” and “fakebook” versions of life, accepting that without a Magnolia home, Ingall's’ family, and influencer following, I could never launch anything great. 

“Do things broken” was an invitation. It was a journey away from perfectionism, proving, and performance towards purpose, passion, and present living. It was stepping onto the path of grace, peace, and rest, refusing to trudge through the muck of striving, pushing, and works of the flesh. 

And, it changed everything. 

You can’t go everywhere with your kids, but the Holy Spirit can.

I often struggle with fear when I send my girls into a new environment. Whether it be school, a sports environment, trip away or something similar, there’s a lurking stream of questions that haunt me.

Are they okay? Are they being exposed to things we don’t approve of?...

Have you ever felt behind in life? As if everyone and everything is passing you by? Where does that feeling come from and how do we overcome it?

Have you ever had an addiction?

Have you ever been mentally, emotionally or physically dependent on a substance or activity?

I’ve never been addicted to a substance, other than coffee, but I’ve found myself addicted to something much more sinister: control.

Addicted to control? Perhaps it sounds odd, a bit far fetched or intriguingly familiar.

When you’re too tired to pursue, you can still press in.

The days are long with little ones. Rarely do the minutes provide fully energized, distraction free moments for communion with Jesus.

Early risers interrupt early mornings. 

Non-nappers consume midday breaks.

Bedtime for one becomes bedtime for all. 

Exhaustion is real, but don’t believe the lie that Jesus wants eloquent, exemplary devotion. He wants whats real and raw. He wants relationship.

These seasons are uncomfortable, but they’re the most fruitful. Pruning isn’t a punishment; it’s a reward.

This year has been chaotic, confusing, and legitimately crazy. At times it has been overwhelming, hair triggering, and fear inducing. We’re half way through the year, and I’m looking ahead with speculation. What do the next 6 months hold?

I feel as if so many of us are holding our breath, waiting to release a sigh of relief or a groan of disbelief.

The truth is we don’t know what the future holds. We don’t even really know what tomorrow may bring.

But, we do know that no matter what comes we’ve been given the ability to choose….

It seems that more and more people are searching for their identity. And, it also seems that fewer and fewer people are really finding it. They’re asking the questions, reading books, going through the studies, completing the personality quizzes, and finding their tribe.

They’re “following their dreams” and “finding adventure.” They’re taking the advice of popular culture—“Do You.”

But…

READ THE REST

Out of the boat, standing on the water, waiting on the fulfillment of promises…this is where He becomes real. 

I remember the day I realized I had been abused. I remember being shocked, a bit confused, and very ashamed.

It all started with a question in the shower. Why profound thoughts and encounters happen in the shower, I have no idea.

I was on some unhealthy mental journey when the Holy Spirit interrupted me:

“What would it be called if you spoke to your children the way you speak to yourself?”

I didn’t need him to expound, and I didn’t have any follow up questions.

Nothing has been more weighty to me, in the eternal and earthly perspectives, than motherhood. Nothing has brought me more joy or pain than motherhood. Nothing has overjoyed and overwhelmed me more than this weighty responsibility.

I was in a challenging season with our oldest daughter—the “threenager” stage—when I discovered this reality. I felt as if I was constantly disciplining her, but nothing was working.

I remember saying to my husband, “I just feel like she’s never happy.” I left the house right after this, overwhelmed by the constant negative interaction and feeling very helpless.

Turned off doesn’t mean dead and gone. It just means its not for today.

Making plans for the future is great, but not at the expense of missing today.

Today, right now, holds something that no other day can hold. It holds the potential for memories and moments that tomorrow won’t bring. It offers lessons and instruction that may not come again. It offers grace, strength, and wisdom in exact proportion to what you need—today.

Jesus instructed us to pray, “Give us this day…” Because this day is what we’ve been given.

Disappointment can destroy us, but only if we let it take root. Its inevitable, but when we refuse to be defined by the experience, we choose to move forward in understanding and wisdom. We choose to believe God’s dream for our lives. Don’t let current disappointment derail your future dreams.

We’re all working on our garden: getting rid of weeds, pulling out dead things, watering it, preparing it to grow something great. And, we’re all making noise while we do it.