Dealing with Disappointment
8 weeks into quarantine it happened. A simple schedule miscommunication, and I found myself choking on minutes of word vomit. Within a matter of moments my emotions were in control communicating everything I was feeling, but didn’t really understand.
After verbally abusing my husband, [yes, ladies, that’s what it’s called when you attack someone’s character…no matter how crazy your hormones are—i.e. pregnancy] I began to deconstruct my emotions.
Why was I lashing out so irrationally over a simple mistake? Why did I feel so overwhelmed and out of control? What was at the root of these thoughts, feelings, and words?
After a few moments, the help of the Holy Spirit, and a conversation with my husband, [aka repentance] I pinpointed the root.
Disappointment.
It seemed too subtle to cause this moment of chaos, but nonetheless there it was. The culprit of my joy, the thief of my trust, and the filter of my feelings.
I was disappointed with the way my life was going. The year started out with so much expectation. I was anticipating long awaited dreams being fulfilled, the greatest financial year for our family, new opportunities for work, and other unspoken desires coming to pass. But, as many people have experienced during this time, it all seemed to be put on hold.
The hold was okay for a few weeks, but weeks turned to months, doors began to close, plans fell through, and it seemed like dreams were once again being delayed.
I was simply disappointed. I was sad and hurt, because my expectations were unmet. When it was all said and done with the root uncovered, the Holy Spirit was able to remind me…
-Noah built an Ark, but had to wait for rain
-Abraham was promised a son, but had to wait 25 years for the birth.
-Joseph had a dream of ruling his household, but was thrown in a pit, as well as a prison.
-David was anointed king, but had to return to the field.
On and on and on it goes.
I’m sure these heroes of the faith experienced disappointment. They were promised children, thrones, and kingdoms, but had to endure years of delay and detours to receive their promises.
Disappointment unchecked can cause devastation. It will open the door to bitterness, offense, and fear. Disappointment is often the catalyst for hope deferred, which breaks the heart and suffocates the ability to believe. Disappointment simply leads to death before the grave of old age.
So, how do we overcome disappointment? How do we recognize the validity of real loss, but continue to move forward? How do we allow ourselves to grieve, but give hope a second chance? How do we silence doubt, resurrecting God dreams?
—Be real.
As much as we promote transparency, I think we often miss it. As a Christian who is supposed to be full of faith and trust, it can be easy to sweep disappointment under the rug dismissing it as an unacceptable emotion. Being truly honest with the Lord and yourself, whether the disappointment is valid or not, is the starting point for healing.
—Reevaluate.
Reevaluate your reasons for being disappointed. I think the greatest cause for disappointment is unmet expectations. The majority of the time these expectations were created out of our own personal desires—not because God or an individual gave us a promise. We determine the timeline for our dreams and desires, so when that doesn’t happen we become disappointed.
—Remember.
Finally, in the midst of the sadness remember—remember the promises, the words, the dreams, the moment you heard the still small voice, the moment you saw the vision…When we continue to remember, we stoke the coals of hope. Remembrance causes disappointment to turn into determination until the dream comes to pass.
Disappointment can destroy us, but only if we let it take root. Its inevitable, but when we refuse to be defined by the experience, we choose to move forward in understanding and wisdom. We choose to believe God’s dream for our lives.