Don’t Let the Mean Girl Win

I remember the day I realized I had been abused. I remember being shocked, a bit confused, and very ashamed.

It all started with a question in the shower. Why profound thoughts and encounters happen in the shower, I have no idea. 

I was on some unhealthy mental journey when the Holy Spirit interrupted me:

“What would it be called if you spoke to your children the way you speak to yourself?”

I didn’t need him to expound, and I didn’t have any follow up questions. 

I immediately knew the answer: verbal abuse. 

If I spoke to my children the way I spoke to myself, I would be accused of verbally abusing them. 

My internal dialogue was filled with negative conversations, put downs, comparison, criticism, and insults.

I suddenly realized I was the instigator and perpetuator of my own abuse. For years I had built an arsenal of mental weapons that were aimed within. I was constantly taking the bait of the enemy, growing the seeds he’d thrown my way through insecurity and fear. 

In that moment I had a decision. 

I could be the victim, blaming my own thought patterns on external circumstances, other people’s choices or negative influences. 

Or, I could own it. 

Own the truth that I’d believed lies, accepted wrong identity, and settled for living in a self-made prison.

Own the truth that I was living with a mean girl, and I was letting her win. 

I decided to own it. I decided to change and choose freedom. I decided to accept the fact that I didn’t love myself the way I thought I did. I decided that loving myself was important and not just a cheesy, feminine cliche to cover up laziness and mediocrity. 

This choice has been a journey for over 3 years now. 

At times it has been a fight and struggle, telling that mean girl to shut up and go back to hell [because that’s exactly where she came from].

At times it has been a victory and triumph, realizing how far I’ve come through my own self-appreciation and fair self-evaluation. 

At times it has been a drag out, knock down with the enemy, learning how to fight the right way.

At times it has been an open door to hear the Lord, understanding His love and acceptance in a new way.

If I have one take away that I would share it would be this: Don’t let the mean girl win. 

At any cost silence her voice. Don’t let her whisper, conversate, shout or communicate on any level. 

Silence her with the truth, reading the Bible until it saturates your thoughts and shapes your  beliefs.  

Shut her down by exposing every lie, getting vulnerable with the Lord and letting Him heal your mind.

Eliminate her existence, fighting until the voice in your head only agrees with the person God created you to be. 

You don’t have to live with a mean girl wreaking havoc on your mind or constantly ruining your mood. You can live loving the girl you see in the mirror every day. 

I’ll say it again. Whatever it takes, don’t let the mean girl win.