Dear Young Christian Mom: Happiness vs Holiness

Have you ever felt the heaviness of life? 

It’s not the burden of sin or the grinding of adversity. It’s the weightiness of responsibility, expectations that greet us with the sunrise and settle in our subconscious as we go to sleep.

In many ways this heaviness is life giving. It’s an echo of the eternity that God has placed in our hearts from conception. It daily beckons us to live sober lives aware that our decisions and choices impact tomorrow, the future, and eternity. It directs us towards the fear of God, leading us to live our lives in a worthy manner. It reminds us that we were made to make a difference. 

But, it can also become a burden. The responsibility can become overwhelming, inviting us to view this weight as warfare. When our perspective becomes earthly, we lose sight of eternity, and what once was an honor, becomes a weight we were never intended to carry. 

Nothing has been more weighty to me, in the eternal and earthly perspectives, than motherhood. Nothing has brought me more joy or pain than motherhood. Nothing has overjoyed and overwhelmed me more than this weighty responsibility. 

I was in a challenging season with our oldest daughter—the “threenager” stage—when I discovered this reality. I felt as if I was constantly disciplining her, but nothing was working. 

I remember saying to my husband, “I just feel like she’s never happy.” I left the house right after this, overwhelmed by the constant negative interaction and feeling very helpless. 

As I drove down the road, pondering what I was doing wrong, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “You’re doing a lot to make sure she’s happy, but what are you doing to make sure she’s holy?” 

Now, I understand that only Jesus makes us holy, but I also understood what he was saying. 

Because motherhood had become an earthly heaviness, I had no eternal perspective. My primary goal had become making her happy. I wanted peace over the pressure of directing her towards holiness. I wanted easy over the challenge of leading her to learn spiritual truths.

I wasn’t doing nearly as much to teach her holiness as I was to bring her happiness. 

The truth is it’s not my job to make my children happy. 

I love bringing them joy, creating happy moments, and filling their love tanks. But, true happiness is a consequence of living holy. If my life goal as a young mother is to constantly make my children happy without teaching them that holiness and following Jesus is where happiness comes from, I’m missing the mark. 

They’ll grow up believing happiness comes from people, things, and moments. They won’t be equipped to deal with rejection, lack or disappointment. They won’t turn to Jesus when times are hard. They’ll turn to me. 

It’s natural to desire to make our children happy, but when happiness is the goal, motherhood becomes too heavy to bare. 

When happiness is secondary to holiness, it’s a god-given by product of our efforts.

This revelation brought me such freedom and relief. 

Motherhood is heavy, but it doesn’t have to be a burden. When our goals for parenting are heaven oriented, we won’t be overwhelmed. 

We’ll share in the joy of seeing them live their lives for God, pursuing Jesus with happiness as one of the many eternal results.