Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations

Three weeks in with three little girls. 

I was warned again and again about the transition to three. Honestly, I’ve been surprised.

It’s not the challenge of meeting emotional needs, keeping the house clean in between nursing, waking up at night, or juggling different routines that has overwhelmed me. 

It’s me that overwhelms me. [Insert LOL]

It’s my unrealistic expectations that often leave me drained at the end of the day, sitting on the couch questioning my emotional health and future success. 

I want to rebound from having a baby like Michael Jordan returning to the NBA. 

I want to be as fit as Jillian Michaels——now. 

I want to wake up before dawn [right after a 30 minute feed before my other kids wake up] to spend time with Jesus. 

I want the Magnolia home and decor of Joanna Gaines. 

I want the fashion and style of my sister Whitney Long. 

I also want the DIY, homemaker vibe of my other sister Morgan Moore. 

I want to preach like Christine Caine.

I want the parenting legacy of Lisa Bevere.

I want to write like Anne VosKamp. 

I want the patience of Mr. Rogers, but the passion and tenacity of Sarah Palin.

I want to be the best at “Loving my Kids on Purpose.”

I want to buy organic groceries, stick to my budget 100% of the time, and nail 90% of my daily schedule…

All while burning for Jesus, maintaining healthy relationships, staying fit, working a full time job with some extra side hustles, keeping my home clean, cooking healthy meals, pursuing personal dreams, raising children…and so many other things—with—grace, patience, and grit plus a few doses of “cool” and a lot of fun. 

And these unrealistic, externally enforced, but self-perpetuated expectations are what leaves me exhausted. 

I believe in having dreams, setting goals, and living a life of discipline. I’m also a firm believer in boundaries, self-evaluation, and checking your motivation.

Have all these expectations come from personal convictions, or am I allowing social media and the world to cultivate my reality?

I think more often than not I’ve created expectations for myself based on what I see through the lens of social media and current culture. It’s a dangerous place to live, because expectations influence actions and actions direct the course of our lives. 

Here’s what I’m doing to overcome these unrealistic expectations:

• Clarifying

  • First, I need to know what expectations are real and right. My expectations for myself should come from my relationship with Jesus, as well as the individuals dreams, passions, and calling He’s placed on my life. They should also come from healthy pursuits [i.e.: physical health, financial stewardship, flourishing family, etc.].

• Getting Real with my Goals

  • Second, I need to set realistic goals to accompany these expectations. Often times I put myself on a timeline for success that’s unrealistic. This always ends in failure. Creating realistic goals for my current lifestyle is a must to follow through on personal expectations.

• Checking Myself…with Accountability

  • Accountability is key to keeping proper perspective on personal health. Allowing someone else to step in, bringing insight, correction, and wisdom is always a win.

• Bringing in Bigger Boundaries

  • Finally, I’ve had to create bigger boundaries. As life becomes more complex, boundaries need to increase. The boundaries I had for a past season won’t work in this new season. I have to look at every area of my life and measure out new boundaries to ensure they’re protected.

At the end of this I have a healthy evaluation of my expectations. Now, I have to decide what’s the most import and what gives me life? 

If it’s draining me dry, now may not be the time. 

I cannot be it all, have it all, and do it all. That idea is humanistic and goes against the very nature of our need for God. 

If this resonates with you, I’d encourage you to lean in and create realistic, godly expectations for yourself. It will set you free!